To be loved to this extent is worrying.
To be showered with compliments is another thing that I will never get comfortable with; mainly because I don't think I deserve them; and also because I have to then think of a response - which is very difficult for my brain to process.
To be told everyday that I am being missed
is a wonderful feeling;
To be also told that everyday I am being thought of
is also wonderful;
but I can't help but worry.
I am sure there is a catch to this!
Basically, I don't trust myself. I over think.
I have also realized I am extremely scared of losing. And therefore, of commitment because that would mean that the hurt of losing would be severe.
My heart does not know the ways of love. It immediately tries to reason; I hope there is reason in love as well.
But to be loved is a special feeling.
To be loved for who I am is weird. It feels weird that someone can love me for who I am; basically a mess.
I don't understand. How does this happen? How does this happen!!!
My head is constantly screaming that this won't last for long; because I am a mess. I will find a way to mess this up.
But for once, my heart tells me to trust this; go ahead; take that leap of faith, in something, in someone; and give it all.
More so, I am most scared of hurting someone. That would be unbearable. I would die of the pain hola. The thought of hurting someone scares the shit out of me.
To be held and loved
is something I can't express in words perhaps.
I want to love back equally. I want to believe equally. I want to; but my mind over thinks.
I am scared of hurting, losing, trusting; everything that love is and more.
Yet, I can't help but miss him too; love him too. But when I use these words do I even mean the same things that he means, or you mean?? What is it for me to miss someone, or love someone? Surely, we have our own ways of understanding it.
Love is a heavy word; with every use, I think it loses its depth? Or perhaps increases? I am not sure. But I am scared of over-using it. What if it starts to lose its significance?
to be loved...
To be showered with compliments is another thing that I will never get comfortable with; mainly because I don't think I deserve them; and also because I have to then think of a response - which is very difficult for my brain to process.
To be told everyday that I am being missed
is a wonderful feeling;
To be also told that everyday I am being thought of
is also wonderful;
but I can't help but worry.
I am sure there is a catch to this!
Basically, I don't trust myself. I over think.
I have also realized I am extremely scared of losing. And therefore, of commitment because that would mean that the hurt of losing would be severe.
My heart does not know the ways of love. It immediately tries to reason; I hope there is reason in love as well.
But to be loved is a special feeling.
To be loved for who I am is weird. It feels weird that someone can love me for who I am; basically a mess.
I don't understand. How does this happen? How does this happen!!!
My head is constantly screaming that this won't last for long; because I am a mess. I will find a way to mess this up.
But for once, my heart tells me to trust this; go ahead; take that leap of faith, in something, in someone; and give it all.
More so, I am most scared of hurting someone. That would be unbearable. I would die of the pain hola. The thought of hurting someone scares the shit out of me.
To be held and loved
is something I can't express in words perhaps.
I want to love back equally. I want to believe equally. I want to; but my mind over thinks.
I am scared of hurting, losing, trusting; everything that love is and more.
Yet, I can't help but miss him too; love him too. But when I use these words do I even mean the same things that he means, or you mean?? What is it for me to miss someone, or love someone? Surely, we have our own ways of understanding it.
Love is a heavy word; with every use, I think it loses its depth? Or perhaps increases? I am not sure. But I am scared of over-using it. What if it starts to lose its significance?
to be loved...
