middle of the night

midnight

constantly hitting the backspace button

trying to think

trying to organize my ideas

i stare at my nail polished toe

maroon, matches with the TV room carpet

and i look at that brown-black dot

right there

on one of those toes

it reminds me of how each one of us is unique

not in a grand way

but in a minute way

no one notices the brown-black dot if i have my shoes/socks on

but i know it is there

and it reassures me that i will not get lost in the crowd

how vain is the idea of standing out

i want to just be able to stand

and feel the touch of the ground

and believe

[this is not working out...i am trying to stream my thoughts, as random as possible, into coherence or at least some sense in the randomness. but this is not working. maybe there is a block in the way i am experiencing..whatever it is i am experiencing. ]

and i want to write and write and write

and never sleep

and just rant and rant and rant and rant and rant and rant

and maybe sleep a little but

but mostly rant and rant and rant and rant

and never hit the backspace button or the full stop

but i just did

i just hit the backspace button, i just hit it

and i hit it again

and hit it again

and hit it again, just right now i hit it to correct what i was typing

and i realize i cant help if i want to erase the errors from my memory

otherwise this would lpretty much look like this where nothing would make sense but then why iam i not making many rerrorsd l now. why are there not many eerrors now bor is it jst bme but you can see these errors

these erors are so rampant

no this is not what i meant to mean

i meant these errors are so recurrent or

no

i dont know what i mean

i dont know what i mean

i usually dont know what i mean

what do i mean?

what do oi mean?

what do i really mean?

what do these erroers mean?

what?

what are these spaces for that i keep pressing the space bar for?

why do i need these spaces when all this vacuum is mine!

mine for ever

this vacuum.

what just about to get there but lost the concentration

or the lack of it

i dont know

i dont know what i am trying to say but i do know that i do not know

as i lay in my bed typing all these words out

and wishing for someone to read this

or maybe not

i would not want my brother to read this

or my best friends to read this

or my aunt to read this

i would want a complete stranger to read this

i would want someone that i do not know to read this

and interpret it

or maybe not

these are words pretty much

ya but there is bound to be interpretations

but they will be as strange to me than the stranger

i was confused whether i should write stranger himself or stranger herself

does it matter

maybe it matters

maybe it doesnot

or maybe all this does not matter

but still i want to keep typing

ranting ranting ranting

hitting backspace

and space bar

and full stop finally.